I still remember very vividly an event which took place sixty years ago as if it was only yesterday. Our primary school teacher suddenly left town, on his bike of course, for an unknown destination. A few days later he sneaked into the village, picked up a few belongings and spirited off again. We were to learn later that the teacher was not wanted by the law enforcement agents but by the village elders for making love to another man’s wife.
Story No 2: As a teenager so many years back. I watched with utter dismay a gathering of village women discussing the plight of one of their peers. The woman in question had moved out of her matrimonial home because her husband could no longer satisfy her sexually. The husband did something unprintable right there to show that he could still perform. Today such incidents are rife, everyday women take off with younger men leaving behind their children and husbands.
Story No 3: There was this woman married to a manager, who may be, due to dissatisfaction or desertion, found solace in her house boy. She was caught red-handed by the husband and thrown out.
Story No 4: There was this seemingly happy couple. One morning, the couple went to a doctor with their house girl. The latter wanted her pregnancy terminated. The doctor wanted to know who was responsible for the pregnancy, and the wife pointed to her husband. In other words, her husband has been sleeping with her house girl.
I have not talked about prominent figures whose careers were terminated prematurely by sexual scandals; no mention has been made of office love affairs, the unprintable compromising positions and the resultant dismissals. One can go on and on, the story is endless. All these stories speak of an inner self which propels one to do these things, to exhibit these animalistic behavioral patterns, without guilt (at least at that moment). But they do not explain why some men go after anyone in skirts including their house girls or why some women open up to anyone in trousers including their houseboys and drivers.
A question then arises: What is this inner self that can be so powerful as to make people forget their good sense of judgment and risk so much for a momentary pleasure? Scientists have been studying this phenomenon for generations but are still very far from the root. They call this inner propelling force various names: –LIBIDO URGE, SEX DRIVE or simply DESIRE.
Psychologists say that the sex urge is controlled by the part of the mind called the ID, the latter is said to be amoral as it seeks and obeys immediate satisfaction of a person’s needs. This ID is controlled by the superego which represents the morals and standard of the society, it acts as one’s conscience, the judge of right and wrong. Since everyone has the ID and the superego, why are some people more sexually driven than others? Why do some people have little inhibitions? Why does sex urge vary from day to day? Or is there really any change with age.
Despite the length of study by different scientists in different fields, it is still difficult to say why people feel more or less sexy. However, the following factors have been incriminated: – hormones, culture, heredity, past experience, power, time of the day, personality and age.
Hormones: The role of hormones in the human sex urge has long been realized by researchers. Hormones are chemical messengers used by the human body to carry out certain assignments. Two hormones are known to be involved in determining the sex urge of a person; these are testosterone and oestrogen.
Studies have revealed that blood testosterone level fluctuates with sex urge in men on a daily cycle, reaching its peak in the early hours of the morning. Thus, the sex urge in men is greater in the early hours of the day (4a.m. to 6a.m.). This is perfectly normal.
Testosterone has also been shown to play an important role in women as regards sex urge. Blood levels of testosterone fluctuates with the menstrual cycle, it is said to reach its peak about the middle of the cycle and about a week later. Several women therefore have the strongest sex urge during these periods.
Consequently, in a marital setting, there is a direct relationship between the husband’s initiation and the wife’s response on one side and their blood testosterone levels on the other side.
Oestrogen on the other hand reduces the sex urge in men. Thus, strong sex urge in the latter could be reduced with the use of oestrogens. On the other hand, a weak sex urge can be strengthened with the use of testosterone.
Oestrogen can increase the sex urge in women to an embarrassing level; this has been seen in menopausal women treated with oestrogen. Women who had their ovaries removed have also been shown not to have any sex urge but can enjoy sex intercourse if they have a man; in between such encounters there is usually no urge.
In summarizing the effect of hormones on sex urge, one would say that a good level of testosterone is required for a strong sex urge in both men and women, while oestrogen arouses the urge in women only.
Heredity: Persons with strong sex urge are more likely to produce children with strong sex urge; how this is inherited is not quite clear, what is known is that a Casanova is likely to produce a Casanova while a nymphomaniac is likely to produce a nymph. We see these cases in our environment daily, since sex hormones are produced by the ovaries and tests, it is possible that children of such parents inherit ovaries or testes which produce large amounts of oestrogens and testosterones.
Culture: This can heighten or reduce the sex urge. In a permissive society the sex urge is strong and easily expressed. However, where there are strong societal mores, the sex urge could be low. In the latter society, sexual pleasure is usually associated with guilt, anxiety and shame or is seen as sinful. Culture has been more cruel to women’s sex urges. This could be seen in confinement of women, closure of their vagina with rings and female circumcision. All these measures are meant to curb the sex urge in women. Somehow, people feel that women, if freed of societal barriers and double standards, could exhibit such a large appetite for sex that men had to devise these selfish controls.
Personality: The personality of a man can arouse a strong sex urge in a woman. This ranges from the behaviour of the man, the types of clothes he wears, the sound of his voice, bodily aromas, intelligence and a host of other inexplicable traits which are unique to that person.
Power: One of the most powerful provoking agents of sex urge in women is “power” in a man. Power here refers to wealth and authority. Women are turned on by powerful men, Power and women’s sexuality are said to go hand in hand. In fact, power has a stronger effect on most women than the physical attractiveness of men.
Women dislike weaklings, never do-wells, failures and men without drive, as those men cannot really bring out the femininity in them.
Past Experience: One act that leaves a lasting impression in the minds of people is pleasurable sexual encounters. Thus, the sight or the smell of an accomplished sexual partner provokes a strong sexual urge. Any stimulus similar or near the above will also elicit a similar response. In the same vein, poor sexual partners kill sex desire. It is therefore advisable to have sex only with suitable partners.
Fatigue, Alcohol, Depression and Stress: All these reduce sex urge. There is this belief that certain alcoholic drinks stimulate sexual appetite. To an extent, alcohol heightens sex desire but reduces performance. Poor performance could lead to loss of self-confidence and if untreated could lead to impotence in men.
In moments of fatigue, depression and stress, sex should be avoided; no sex is much better than an unpleasant sexual encounter.
Age: Sex urge reduces with age though the controversy is on. The explanation for this is reduction in the blood testosterone level which occurs with age. Men over 60 years often see their doctors for potency pills. However, when an old person has an erection, it lasts much longer and hence ejaculation is delayed. What compensation? Maybe this is why we have a lot of successful sugar daddies.
In summary, sex is one of our basic natural instincts. A strong sex urge is perfectly normal. What is too strong or too weak is defined by the society in which one lives. Most people have strong normal sex urge, but this could be inhibited by several factors such as unaccomplished sexual partners.
Sex three times a day, twice a week or twice in a year is perfectly normal. However, most people settle for two or three times a week.
